Not Angry, But Thankful

Hate is a strong word, and a strong emotion.  It is not an emotion I am familiar with, meaning I have not experienced it first-hand.  I have seen it, as many have.  But I have not experienced it.  There are some things that I may dislike, or may strongly dislike.  But nothing that I hate.  If you know me, you know this to be true.

 

These days, I strongly dislike my body.  I don’t like the way it looks, I don’t like the way it feels, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.  But I can’t hate it.  I cannot hate my body, as much as I dislike nearly everything about it right now.  I cannot hate my body, because it has not failed me.  With all that I have been through, my body has persevered. 

 

For more than a year now, I have been at war.  My body has been at war and I have been fighting for my life.  And I feel it.  My body and mind feel the ravishes of war, some days more than others.  But, I cannot hate my body, I cannot be angry, because my body has not let me down.  So, every day I pray that my body will recover from this war, and I will return to where I was physically, and emotionally.   

 

Grudges are founded in hatred.  I don’t hold grudges.  Every day I forgive my body, and I thank God for the journey I am on.  It is a different type of forgiveness.  So I forgive.  I forgive my body, and try to be understanding towards the war it has been through.  I try to remember that it has not let me down.   

 

But I have moments when I struggle.  And some days are easier than others.  I see and hear people complaining about their WODs, and how some things just were not good, how horrible they did, and I think…  But your body did not let you down, so be grateful.  It could be so much worse.  Don’t be angry, don't hate, you are alive.  Be thankful that you get to experience the WOD.  Hopefully, soon I will be able to experience it again.  But until then, I will not be angry, and i will not hate.  I am and will continue to be thankful.