Sunday, May 20, 2012

Of Birds and Butterflies

I have been thinking a lot about flying lately.  Not flying in an airplane, but just flying, like a bird, butterfly or other winged creature. A few months ago I bought a t-shirt with 3 butterflies on it.  I didn’t think much of it at the time, except it was different and cute.   Then, a few weeks after, I found a t-shirt with a bird on it, and a single word…  The word, “Fly”.  Again, I knew I needed this shirt, but not sure why.  Now it is all making more sense.  It is becoming clear. 

To me, the butterflies signify a metamorphosis.  A change…  The change I am going through, as I heal from my daily battle, and fight to restore my body, mind and soul.  I once was a butterfly, which was struck down.  As I heal, as I recover, and as I try to get stronger, I feel I am going through a metamorphosis, from a caterpillar back into that butterfly.  I pray to one day become that butterfly again.  A beautiful butterfly.  But the metamorphosis is difficult.  Some days are easier than others, and some moments are as well.  And some are just painful, and I need to endure.

The bird and “Fly” signifies flying above it all – all the horrible things I have had to endure, to a place where I can be free.  Free from fear, free from sadness, free from the chaos that has become my life, and just free.  With wings I could fly.  I would feel the wind under and through my wings, lifting me up to a place of where the sun shines brightly, there is a soothing breeze in the air, and there are no worldly cares. Soaring freely above all I have endured.  Again, some days are easier than others, and some moments are as well.  And some are just painful, and still, I endure.

Each WOD seems to be a challenge for me lately.  I am continually reminded of what I was able to do, and where I am now.  I use to finish at the top, and now I am always the last to finish.  I use to do everything prescribed, and now I need to scale many things.  It is not uncommon for me to hold back the tears in the middle of the WOD, or break down in tears after.  Every WOD is a reminder of what I was, and what I am hoping and praying to be.  And, some days it is easier to accept than others.  Then I think of the bird, and flying high.  I think about the caterpillar leaving me and becoming a butterfly.  And I endure.

I am not the only one who has thought of butterflies…  “So remember. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over….she became a butterfly.” Sarah Grand wrote.  Sarah’s story is similar to mine.  Thank you, Sarah Grand.  You have given me inspiration. I wish I could have met you.

It’s time I became the butterfly.

More on Sarah (CrossFit Journal subscription needed).

1 comment:

Caroline said...

Ahhhh... Sweet Lauriel! Time to become a butterfly, indeed! You're almost there and you will be stronger (no more chemo!). I know you're stronger now than you ever were before. I can't wait to see you embrace your wings! I love you!