Monday, January 31, 2011

Today I Squat For…

I first heard about Amanda Miller on April 27, 2010. had posted a message about her passing. She was a 2009 games competitor and had died several days prior to the posting. I read about her for the first time that day. Her blog was linked to the post.

Something about her story got to me then and continues to get to me. It happened a while back, before the WO at the 2010 Games was named for her. I had read her blog – her story. She documented it for everyone to read. I don’t know what it is and I don’t know why. Bu tit eats away at me, emotionally. She was courageous, she was strong, she was unrelenting.

Then Dave Lipson came along and decided to do 365 days of squatting, to raise awareness and money for skin cancer research. There was a shirt for sale, and I bought it. The money for the shirt goes to the charity. Every time I wear it I think of her. Every time I think of her I get emotional. I don’t know why. I didn’t even know her. Why does it do this to me? Why do I feel this way?

Since early December we have been working on a squat goal at CrossFit Phoenix. We were told our goal was to do 50 body weight back squats. At first, I didn’t relate it to Dave Lipson and his 365 days of squatting. I didn’t even think of Amanda Miller. But last night, as I lay in bed thinking about the next day’s squatting effort, all I could think about was Amanda Miller. I don’t know why. Maybe because today is goal day – 50 body weight back squat day. I have been nervous about it ever since I found out about it. But today I am especially nervous.

It isn’t an easy task. It is daunting. And I am sitting here, thinking about it, and getting so emotional, and I just don’t understand why. I am thinking of Dave Lipson and his efforts for Amanda Miller. And I am thinking of Amanda Miller – someone I didn’t even know.

Dave Lipson, every day, squatting for Amanda Miller. Amanda Miller obviously touched him somehow – made him want to do something. And her story has somehow touched me. And while I really don’t have the ability to perhaps make a difference the way Dave Lipson can, I can do my best at this effort today. I can do my best.

I am still nervous about it, but maybe for different reasons. Before I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to do it and I would fail. Now, I while I feel more confident that I can do it, I am still nervous. I know I need to get this. I know I need to succeed. Because today I will do 50 body weight back squats for Amanda Miller.

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2/2/11 Follow-up

So 1/31/11 was the culmination of a two-month goal -- 50 body weight back squats, unbroken, without setting down the bar.

The night before I had a hard time sleeping. I was really restless. For some reason, i kept thinking of Dave Lipson and his squat challenge. And that made me think of Amanda Miller. I blogged about it as soon as I woke up - I became emotional, weepy, and I didn't know why. I was like that all day. Seriously -- weepy.

Class time came. We warmed up with back squats, at moderate weight, to get ready for the 50. Then it came time for the 50. I had to go first... This is the moment when I really hate the fact that I weigh so much!!! 50 squats at 155#. Really????

I got to 15 and thought, holy crap... I don't know if I can do this... And I thought of Dave Lipson and Amanda Miller, and I kept going. I got to 30 and I thought that I did 40 two weeks ago, I could do 40 again. And I got to 40. When I hit 40, I was told that it all counts now - this is where my reps start. The last set of 10. This is where it matters. And I thought again of Amanda, and I heard my friends pushing me, and I dug in and hit 50.

I racked the bar and fell to the ground and cried. I have only cried one other time in a WO, and that was a 9/11 WO we did. But I cried on 1/31/11. And I'm sure I will again in the future.


Ilana said...

chills from reading this, thanks for posting. i was pretty excited about 2 body weight squats this a.m. can't wait to see you posting your 50 rep triumph later. get it!

Stacee said...

Beautifully written and inspiring.

Garagegy702 said...

As always well said my friend! I was wearing my Amanda Miller tshirt yesterday, it was a two a day for me and I was seriously tired until I caught myself in the mirror, saw the tshirt and knew I had to finish my training for the day for someone who isn't here to train. Wendy and I have talked on several occasions about squatting 365 days because Amanda can't I think your blog just gave me the push I need to commit. Anyone want to join us?

Lauriel said...

Perhaps a goal for the entire gym T & W???

alisha - Crossfit Phoenix said...

And you did it!! Great Job L and thank you Amanda. We are so proud of you!